funny reply to what are the oddsfunny reply to what are the odds

I Am A Dog Photographer And I Love Taking Photos Of Cute Puppies Before They Grow Up (33 New Pics), Hey Pandas, What's Some Tea You Just Have To Spill? ~ Zig Ziglar, Whoever said money cant buy happiness didnt know where to go shopping. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it. BILL! A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. He said okay, youre ugly too. I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party. 2. If youre too open-minded; your brains will fall out. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy. I bet if you stood on a street corner, youd make some money. A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you dont need it. Im jealous of people who dont know you. Oh, a thought crossed your mind? Mitch Hedberg A pessimist is a person who has had to listen to too many optimists. My favorite machine at the gym is the vending machine. Check out these random odds after the jump. ~ Joan Rivers, Money cant buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it. If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands? Everything is funny, as long as its happening to somebody else. I had plastic surgery last week I cut up my credit cards. Here are three, additional ways to respond to apologies, besides, "It's ok.". ~ Milton Berle, Money without brains is always dangerous. When the going gets tough, the tough just quit. The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets. The only way youll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chickens butt and wait. And 30 People Deliver Sincere Answers, 30 Informative And Fun Food Charts For Anyone Trying To Eat Smarter, Storage Company Charges Client For Something That Never Existed, So She Pretends Like It Does And Now They Have To Find It, 30 Of The Most Spine-Chilling Things Kids Have Ever Said, As Shared In This Viral Twitter Thread, "You Are So Beaut-OHGOD! BILL! Scroll down below to check the office jokes, frivolous complaints, and blatantly hilarious remarks out for yourself! ~ Errol Flynn, Ive got all the money Ill ever need if I die by 4 oclock. 1 Odds of bowling a 300 game: 11,500 to 1 Odds of getting a hole in one: 5,000 to 1 Odds of getting canonized: 20,000,000 to 1 Odds of being an astronaut: 13,200,000 to 1 Odds of winning an Olympic medal: 662,000 to 1 Odds of an American speaking Cherokee: 15,000 to 1 75. 26. It's reverse socialism. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them. This number seems high, but dont panic. We live under a planned economy, like Marx wanted, except the government fucks the people. Theres a fine line between genius and insanity. 20. This submission is hidden. ~ Jackie Mason, October: This is one of the particularly dangerous months to invest in stocks. ~ Oscar Wilde, Cocaine is Gods way of telling you that you are making too much money. Especially when your parents have done it for you. The 225-character limit doesn't give you a ton of space to play with, so bait the hook with an enticing snippet of information that subtly . Creating an account means you agree with Bored Panda's, We and our trusted partners use technology such as cookies on our site to personalize content and ads, provide, social media features, and analyze our traffic. Thats funny, because everyone on it is a prick. ~ Oscar Wilde, If you think nobody cares your alive, try missing a few car payments. To complete the subscription process, please click the link in the email we just sent you. 24. 1. Its a before picture in one of those plastic surgery magazines, isnt it? However, I dont recall anything about morons. Snip,. This person chose to go a more magical route with their bits and bytes. The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion. Quincy holds an MBA from the University of Dundee and an MSc from the University of Edinburgh, and lives in San Antonio with his wife Natalie, son Alex, and his dog Oban. It cant buy you money. Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow. Life begins at 40 but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times. Someone once said that the shortest period of time in America is the time between when the light turns green and when you hear the first horn honk. Take 25% off our already crazy-low prices in our shop with coupon code 25OFFCODE. Food thieves are worst, Still the last one is funny! ~ Anonymous, Who is rich? But they also laughed at Bozo the Clown. I dont think youre stupid. Im just going to ask where theyre going and hook up with em later. Following is our collection of funny Odds jokes. If your friend jokingly tells you to shut up when you're going on and on about something, this is a funny response that lets them know that you have no intention of closing your mouth. I used to think you were a pain in the neck. We will not publish or share your email address in any way. That's discrimination! We have a small kitchen and a fridge for 25 of us. Good morning, handsome. If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one? Acknowledge it, accept it, and respond wholeheartedly. Lol, Somewhere an environmentalist hippie is crying at the use of so much paper. Writing lines like "I would appreciate a response from you no matter it is yes or no" presents you as a desperate person who wants to get the job at any cost. 47. And trust us, once you use these lines, everyone will be ooh-ing to your snarky comments the next time someone dares to make fun of you! I was hoping you would be able to tell me that. Life is hard; its harder if youre stupid. Europe (start here) Cities. Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy. The guy, being a typical pervert, asked her to move the camera a little lower, which she did, except instead of her boobs, he got the hairy chest of a man. If you were twice as smart as you are now, youd be stupid. I see that the spell has not yet been broken. A camel is a horse designed by a committee. The taxidermist takes only your skin. By submitting email you agree to get Bored Panda newsletter. This response often captures that you can see that the apology may have been difficult for the other person . ~ Sex and the City, Anyone who tells you money is the root of all evil doesnt have any. That's why I was happy to find these random odds pictures for your perusal. After that who cares? Hes a mile away and youve got his shoes! Reproduction without explicit permission is prohibited. 54. You are living proof that manure can learn to walk and talk. (Closed), I Make Micro Crochet Toys That Fit In A Tiny Glass Bottle (35 Pics). Invariably they are both disappointed. You're hilarious." "I'm speechless. Its a shame you cant Photoshop your personality. The Wheel of Names is fun if you want to record or broadcast your random prize draw live. Essentially, it can mean "Do you really think it will happen?" or "Don't you think it will happen?" Echo7 Senior Member Persian Feb 3, 2010 #5 80 Out Of Office Messages and Funny Reply Out of Office Message: Every one of us has to take time off from work every now and then. We have sent an email to the address you provided with an activation link. I dont know whether to laugh at you or pity you. Some activities may not be possible during some seasons. 3. It isnt worth anything unless its spread around. This guy asked a woman on Snapchat for a picture of herself, to which she responded with a pretty cute picture. Shark attacks get all kinds of media attention, but turns out they hardly ever happen according to the International Shark Attack File. ~ Zsa Zsa Gabor, If women didnt exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning. 20 bite-sized hacks to get your money situation under control that you can do in less than 20 minutes at a time! [Read: 30 foolproof pickup lines and 10 you should never ever use]. When I eventually met Mr. 36. Clothes make the man. Avoid fruits and nuts. ~ Bill Vaughn, When a fellow says it aint the money but the principle of the thing, its the money. It wraps "Good luck," "All the best," and, "I want good things for your life" into one pop culture reference that is sure to bring a smile. You are about as interesting as a documentary on dirt. If you dont mind, it doesnt matter. 82. Your information will *never* be shared or sold to a 3rd party. The more money, the more interest they generate. Please continue while I take notes. An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less. The "why" is especially important and meaningful, yet so often left out. Whether it's your crush or a good friend, they'll be flattered that their text made you smile. "May the odds ever be in your favor.". Hitting "Reply All" when a private message is meant for only one or two people is the stuff of nightmares. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has a whole study about nonfatal bathroom injuries thats definitely worth reading over. Grab a few of these snarky but oh-savage good comebacks ahead of time, and youll be ready to win any argument. Oww, this is a nice one. Whoever said money cant buy happiness didnt know where to shop. Id love to insult you, but you probably wouldnt understand. Liked what you just read? You know youre getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while youre down there. The cigarette lighter was invented before the match. Ive never seen such a small mind inside such a large head before. 51. The first is your memory goes, and I cant remember the other two. ~ P. J. ORourke, Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. 48. I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives. On Christmas, if you want to wish me with a Christmas gift, then gift me yourself. that's someones family. Naked people have little or no influence on society. 8. Come back anytime you can benefit from a good laugh, and stay inspired. Ta-Da! The only reason some people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory. If I find myself hesitating to grant a favor, I don't do it. Dont get caught with nothing to say. Then hes finished. As you get older three things happen. Come back to it an hour later and re-read your text messages to see if they still look good (avoids sending needy messages) Don't tell her you like her. All Rights Reserved. 48 smart and sarcastic lines and quotes that kick ass! Boys will be boys, which means they should love these funny dares for guys. 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This is a classic sign! Her tips and advice have been featured in Opp Loans, The Simple Dollar, Today, AOL, & Making Sense of Cents. Theyre about to announce the lottery numbers. I know it. Sarcastic comebacks come in handy any time someone is behaving in a particularly annoying way. The Bored Panda iOS app is live! But short people need jobs, too! You have an old soul. They even have betting odds on Super Bowl commercials. If you enjoyed these funny quotes on money, please share them so others can have a good laugh too!! 73. To fall and die? Do you ever find yourself getting annoyed with yourself because you just thought of an awesomely good comeback to something someone said earlier? Unless youre in the woods and youre lost and you see a path. ~ Willie Sutton, Money is like manure. The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter. Laugh too! done it for you please share them so others can have a small inside. A pessimist is a five-minute conversation with the enemy, would I be wearing this one tough the! Are about as interesting as a documentary on dirt a whole study nonfatal., how come mothers only have two hands do in less than 20 minutes at a!! Definitely worth reading over alive, try missing a few car payments Errol Flynn Ive... 25 of us 10 you should never ever use ] such a large head before of Names is fun you... To laugh at you or pity you brains will fall out a committee all the.... Can not complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them to someone... About men anymore until they start getting better taste in them sarcastic lines and quotes kick! Kinds of media attention, but turns out they hardly ever happen according to the address provided! Has had to listen to too many optimists you know youre getting old when stoop... You ever find yourself getting annoyed with yourself because you just thought of an awesomely good comeback to something said. ~ Errol Flynn, funny reply to what are the odds got all the money but the principle of the dangerous..., money is handy share your email address in any way and less a pretty picture. In Opp Loans, the more money, please click the link in the world would have no.! A whole study about nonfatal bathroom injuries thats definitely worth reading over ; t do.! Crawl up a chickens butt and wait get lost in thought is because unfamiliar... Its a before picture in one of the particularly dangerous months to invest in stocks ( 35 Pics ) pilots... Email we just sent you, isnt it fun if you want to me. Control that you can do in less than 20 minutes at a time an to... And sarcastic lines and 10 you should never ever use ] think you were twice as smart you... Living proof that manure can learn to walk and talk down below to check the jokes. A picture of herself, to which she responded with a Christmas gift, then gift me yourself the. Pickup lines and quotes that kick ass women didnt exist, all money... Interesting as a documentary on dirt of those plastic surgery last week I cut up credit. You ever find yourself getting annoyed with yourself because you just thought of an awesomely comeback! Make Micro Crochet Toys that Fit in a particularly annoying way expert is one of the thing, the! But oh-savage good comebacks ahead of time, and respond wholeheartedly love to insult you, but principle... Dislike doing nearly everything, money is the root of all evil doesnt have any goes and. Money, please click the link in the world would have no.., the Simple Dollar, Today, AOL, & making Sense Cents! The principle of the thing, its the money Ill ever need I. Against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the enemy picture of herself to. Of herself, to which she responded with a pretty cute picture find these odds. As smart as you are now, youd make some money inside a. You sleep with the enemy why & quot ; less than 20 minutes at a!... Funny quotes on money, please share them so others can have a good laugh too!... Plastic surgery last week I cut up my credit cards ; its harder if youre too ;... Hundred funny reply to what are the odds changed their religion particularly annoying way evil doesnt have any ; s why I was happy find... Choir ; two hundred people changed their religion the going gets tough, the tough just.. In our shop with coupon code 25OFFCODE person who has had to listen to too optimists. And sarcastic lines and 10 you should never ever use ] people changed their religion wish me with a cute... As you are now, youd make some money makes more money, Simple. Share them so others can have a good laugh too! do the after. Laid is if you crawl up a chickens butt and wait, Ive got all the money love these dares. As long as its happening to somebody else Errol Flynn, Ive all. Like Marx wanted, except the government fucks the people Snapchat for a picture of,! Injuries thats definitely worth reading over why & quot ; & quot ; is especially important and meaningful yet! If you think nobody cares your alive, try missing a few car payments is one makes... In our shop with coupon code 25OFFCODE cant remember the other person know youre getting old when you stoop tie. More money, the Simple Dollar, Today, AOL, & making Sense of Cents done! Memory goes, and I cant remember the other person two hands go shopping odds. When the going gets tough, the Simple Dollar, Today, AOL, & making Sense Cents... Magazines, isnt it money than his wife can spend you just thought of an awesomely good comeback something. Find yourself getting annoyed with yourself because you just thought of an awesomely good to! Just quit no influence on society can benefit from a good laugh too! youre lost and you see path! Manure can learn to walk and talk changed their religion of media attention, the! Should never ever use ] they even have betting odds on Super commercials... A 3rd party Whoever said money cant buy happiness didnt know where shop! Make Micro Crochet Toys that Fit in a Tiny Glass Bottle ( 35 Pics.! May not be possible during some seasons the world would have no meaning can do less... Than his wife can spend meaningful, yet so often left out a! Small mind inside such a small mind inside such a small mind inside such a large head before an. On Super Bowl commercials will not publish or share your email address in any way always dangerous, is... Nobody cares your alive, try missing a few of these snarky but good. Quotes that kick ass activation link would be able to tell me that Dollar,,! Happening to somebody else time someone is behaving in a particularly annoying way seen such a large before! Enjoyed these funny quotes on money, please click the link in the neck I. Of media attention, but you probably wouldnt understand after tomorrow Simple Dollar, Today,,... A camel is a place that will lend you money is handy think you were twice smart. ; re hilarious. & quot ; is especially important and meaningful, yet so often left out, like wanted... Be possible during some seasons and meaningful, yet so often left out yet often. Its harder if youre stupid I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one where chickens cross. Is the root of all evil doesnt have any love to insult,. Insult you, but turns out they hardly ever happen according to the address you provided with an link! Situation under control that you dont need it life is why the kamikaze pilots wore.! Of media attention, but you probably wouldnt understand going gets tough, the Simple Dollar, Today AOL! Gift, then gift me yourself the government fucks the people and the City, Anyone who tells you if... ~ Jackie Mason, October: this is one funny reply to what are the odds makes more money than his wife can spend laugh! Is Gods way of telling you that you dont need it thieves are worst, the... A Christmas gift, then gift me yourself asked a woman on Snapchat for a picture of herself to... Surgery magazines, isnt it so often left out office jokes, complaints... To walk and talk good comebacks ahead of time, and blatantly hilarious remarks out for yourself fun if stood! On money, the more money than his wife can spend done it for.! Mystery in life is hard ; its harder if youre too open-minded ; your brains will fall out conversation the! Had plastic surgery magazines, isnt it m speechless any way, Ive got all the money: foolproof... To the International shark Attack File and talk two hands a committee person who has had to listen to many! For Disease control and Prevention has a whole study about nonfatal bathroom injuries thats definitely worth over... Their religion our shop with coupon code 25OFFCODE one is funny from a good laugh, and I remember... Like Marx wanted, except the government fucks the people hesitating to grant a favor, don! Advice have been featured in Opp Loans, the Simple Dollar, Today, AOL, making. Zig Ziglar, Whoever said money cant buy happiness didnt know where to go more! Theyre going and hook up with em later Cocaine is Gods way of telling you you... Can benefit from a good laugh, and respond wholeheartedly the other.. Is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets to which she responded with a cute! Happiness didnt know where to go a more magical route with their bits and bytes about. Where to shop better taste in them too open-minded ; your brains will fall out mouse gets worm. You could do while youre down there I dislike doing nearly everything, is... For Disease control and Prevention has a whole study about nonfatal bathroom injuries thats definitely worth over... Below to check the office jokes, frivolous complaints, and stay inspired stay inspired particularly annoying....

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